295. BETROTHALS AND WEDDINGS
We take up betrothals and weddings here, and also the formalities surrounding them, treating them primarily from the perspective of the intellect and its reason. We treat them from that perspective because the matters written in this book have as their object to enable the reader to see truths in the light of his rationality and so give assent; for thus his spirit is convinced, and matters of which the spirit is convinced are accorded a standing above those which enter without the reason's being consulted, as a result of someone else's say-so and faith in his authority. Indeed, the latter do not penetrate the head any deeper than the memory, and there they become mingled together with misconceptions and falsities, so as to have a standing below rational matters which are matters of the understanding. Everyone can speak in consequence of these as though in accordance with reason, but in a backwards fashion; for he then thinks as a crab walks, with the sight following the tail. It is the other way around if he thinks in consequence of his understanding. Whenever he thinks in consequence of this, his rational sight selects appropriate matters from his memory and by them confirms in himself truth already seen.
[2] For that reason we consider in the present chapter a number of practices which are accepted customs. For example, that choosing whom to court is a prerogative of men; that parents should be consulted; that gifts should be given as pledges; that a marriage covenant should be established before the wedding; that this covenant should be sanctified by a priest; that a wedding should be celebrated; and so on. These and more are considered in order to enable a person to see in the light of his rationality that such practices are engraved on conjugial love as its prerequisites, which promote it and bring it to fulfillment.
[3] The sections into which this discussion is divided are, in order, the following:
1. Choosing whom to court is a prerogative of the man, and not of the woman.
2. The man ought to court the woman and ask her to marry him, and not the other way around.
3. The woman ought to consult her parents or guardians and then deliberate in herself before giving consent.
4. After she declares her consent, gifts should be given as pledges.
5. Their agreement to marry should be affirmed and established by a formal betrothal.
6. By betrothal each is made ready for conjugial love.
7. By betrothal the mind of one is joined to the mind of the other, so that a marriage of the spirit takes place before a marriage of the body.
8. This happens in the case of people who think chastely in regard to marriage, not so in the case of those who think unchastely in regard to it.
9. During the time of their betrothal it is not lawful for them to be joined physically.
10. After the period of their betrothal has been completed, the wedding should take place.
11. Before the celebration of the wedding, a marriage covenant should be established in the presence of witnesses.
12. The marriage should be solemnized by a priest.
13. The wedding should be celebrated with festivity.
14. After the wedding the marriage of the spirit becomes also one of the body and thus complete.
15. This is the order and its steps by which conjugial love develops, from its first warmth to its first fire.
16. If conjugial love is hastened prematurely without an orderly development and its proper steps, it burns out the marrows and dies.
17. States of mind progress in a sequential development, and in each partner these progressive states flow into the state of their marriage - though with one progression in the case of spiritual people and another in the case of people who are natural.
18. For everywhere one finds a sequential order and a concurrent order, and the concurrent order evolves from the sequential order and in accordance with it.
Explanation of these statements now follows.
